http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ga005q-6WK4#watch-main-area
"This could be one of those memories
We're gonna hold on too, cling too, the one we can't forget
Baby this could be our last first kiss, the dawn of forever
What if this was that moment, that chance worth taking
History in the making"
I used to think that it was so final, too final, to be with one person, to kiss that person forever. That seemed awful dull and almost wrong to me. I just felt like, in that place, there should have been more. I was overwhelmed by the feeling that this couldn't be forever, it didn't feel like forever. So I decided that there was no forever, because I couldn't deal with the finality of that certain hell I was in.
And then I kissed him. And after that first kiss I thought to myself, hmm I could do this forever without complaint. I felt and whole and right. I had just checked on the kids, they were asleep. I felt like I could sigh and melt into the floor if that was what I needed to do; it had been a rough day. Inside my head I was all over the place as I walked down the hallway and into the living room. When I entered the room, he was sitting on the floor looking up at me, smiling. I smiled back without even thinking. I sat down beside him on the floor and put my head on his shoulder and just breathed him in and let out a big sigh. He said, "yeah" and we just sat like that for a bit. There wasn't anything to say because there was so much going on that not any one thing could be plucked and talked about. I mean we were just sitting, on the floor, in the quiet, together, but inside, in each of us there was so much going on.
I turned to look up at him and I saw in his eyes what had always been there for me, but what I had been too busy to see before that moment. I put a hand on his shoulder, the other on the side of his face, took in that moment, breathed it in, captured it, and then I brought my lips to his, and kissed him. Sighed again, but a different kind of sigh, a lighter sigh than I'd seen in years. And as I looked at him, "I love you" escaped my lips, as if my heart spoke before my brain had a chance to censor it. He smiled, got that sparkle in his eyes I've grown to anticipate with giddiness and said, "I love you too." After that we spent a long time cuddled close to each other, right there on the living room floor.
Later, I thought to myself, what the heck had I been waiting for? I waited so long to touch my lips to his. I spent some time wondering why I waited, why I took so long to come to the conclusion he had come to years before. It felt so right and so wonderful and so meant to be. It felt like forever was just beginning. So why had I almost wasted my forever on the wrong person, the wrong situation? It didn't matter. I didn't waste anymore time worrying about it and just decided to live the now and soak it all in.
Over two years later and it's not any less wonderful. If anything as time goes on, it grows to be bigger and bigger and more and more breath taking to know that I'm held by my forever every night as I drift off to sleep. And I get to kiss him all I want. And I do.
I'm no longer intimidated every morning when I wake up. I don't think to myself, oh man how did I get here and can I ever get out? Nah. Now I greet the day with smiles and happiness knowing it's all good, and if life is ever less than good, I've got a partner in crime to trudge through it with.
